Here's How It All Started
With John's Difficult Night...
"I have no idea what started it..."
Head in hands, John slumped in disbelief trying to process what happened that night.
I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I've done wrong, all the people I've disappointed, all the bad choices I've made... And some even went even as far back to when I was in high school!"
I could tell he was trying to rationalize something that shouldn't (or couldn't) be rationalized.
What John didn't know is that some people can experience panic attacks without any triggering event whatsoever.1 And not only can these attacks come out of nowhere, they can repeat themselves over and over again.
"I remember one of the first thoughts I had was about my job and how much better my coworkers are than I am. And how my boss is surely going to fire me... And soon."
John pauses for a sec to take a drink of a water. "But then I started to spiral..."
With a deep breath, "I started thinking about my family... And what I was going to do once I got laid off. How would I tell them? With my wife at home with the kids, how would I be able to take care of them?"
He Was Visibly Shaking
Trying To Recount This Moment.
"I realized in that moment that something wasn't right with my head so I got up to get a drink of water, but... I don't know what happened. In the process of getting up an overwhelming rush of sadness took over me and all I wanted, no needed, was to lay down."
He kept wanting to backpedal and stop himself from sharing, feeling like what he was saying was 'too crazy' or 'too ridiculous' but I delicately urged him to continue.
"At the time I was in the living room and my wife and kids were asleep. I couldn't sleep and tried watching some TV to take my mind off things... but clearly, it didn't help."
John chuckled lightly but remained in a heavy gaze, recalling his next movements...
"I don't remember exactly what happened next other than I dropped to the floor. I grabbed my knees, started rocking back and forth, and I don't know how else to say this but I just had tunnel vision on the worst thoughts imaginable..."
John was just...
Cowering In The Corner,
A Slave To His Dark Thoughts...
"...Once your boss fires you, your friends will avoid you & family will resent you...
...The job market is horrible. You're never going to find another job and you're going to lose your house, your car, and you'll have to move back in with your parents.
...Your wife deserves better than someone that can't support her and the kids. She's going to leave you, John..."
"The worst part about all this was that I believed it. I truly believed everything I was thinking, no matter how ridiculous, crazy, unbelievably nuts the thoughts were, I believed everything to be the truth.
Dr. V, I'm sorry, I know this sounds nuts but I couldn't shake these feelings and one dark feeling stacked on the next. And before I knew it, my wife was getting up with the kids.
And I was still in the same spot..."
John Was So Embarrassed
He Could Barely Stand It
The last thing anyone needs in that kind of situation is to feel shame or embarrassment.
Fortunately, the next thing that came out of John's mouth not only would prove to be his 'moment of comfort' and my inspiration for (what would become) the anti-anxiety solution that I'm going to share with you today.
All I asked was, "What happened next, John?"
He paused and smiled...
"My wife found me in the corner and without saying a word, jumped to the floor and grabbed me tight. She didn't ask a thing, just held me. She was wearing the soft white robe I got her for Christmas last year.
...Holding her just made me feel better. And every episode I've experienced since then, I've looked to her for comfort and to snap me out of it! It doesn't always work but most of the time it does..."
All I could think about was, "John, what happens when you're wife is not home? Or near you when you have an 'episode'?"
What John Did Next
When No One Was Around...
"It's funny you ask that... I had this happen two nights ago actually.
After things were still not getting better last week, I knew I had to see someone about everything going on, which is what brought me to call you and schedule today's meeting.
But this past Sunday, my wife was out running some errands. I was home with the kids and out of nowhere while folding laundry... something happened. I started breathing heavy, my mind started to race, and I could feel the negative thoughts starting to creep up again.
John, why did you do this? Why didn't you do that?!
All of the feelings that, in my 'normal' state of mind, I would just find absurd but in that moment, they are my reality.
But I found something that helped... promise not to laugh?"
I had no idea what he was going to do next but of course I replied with, "Please tell me, I'd never laugh."
Slowly he pulls a small towel out of his pocket and shows it to me.
"This is the same material as my wife's robe. You know, the robe she was wearing when she found me that morning."
"Right..." I honestly wasn't connecting the dots yet.
"Well... as I started feeling my 'dark downward spiral' kick into gear, fortunately for me, I was folding laundry and ran across this towel.
After picking it up and holding it tight, it brought me back to that morning when my wife 'came to my rescue'.
And almost immediately, I started feeling better.
My breathing went back to normal and I, in a way, came back to reality again...”